If you have a friend or loved one that suffers from depression, be it depression alone or the depression side of bipolar disorder, there are a few things you should never say to them. You may have found yourself saying certain things to a depressed person in an effort to be helpful. If you’ve noticed yourself saying things from this list to your depressed loved one, vow to never say them again.
Here is the list of things you shouldn’t say to someone with depression:
1. “Get over it.” or “Snap out of it.” If someone is depressed, especially with clinical depression, they can’t just get over it. With clinical depression, there may be no external reason a person feels down. So telling them to get over it would be futile and just frustrate and sadden them more.
2. “It is all in your mind.” Someone suffering from depression knows it. They do not need you to tell them that their issue is in their mind. If they could control not feeling depressed, they would. While there are ways they can learn to cope with their depression, telling them it’s all in their mind most likely won’t help.
3. “Life isn’t fair.” While life indeed isn’t fair, saying that to someone with depression will not help them feel better. They are focused on how they feel, not the overall broad notion that life isn’t fair.
4. “You’re selfish.” One way to kill any supportive measure you’ve taken so far is to tell a depressed person that they are selfish. Some of their actions in the midst of depression may appear selfish, such as neglecting obligations to others, but they are dealing with a mental illness. They may be just as immobilized as someone that has to focus on healing from a physical ailment. Show your support and cut them some slack.
5. “It’s your fault you’re depressed.” Laying guilt on a person for the way they feel is not a solution to depression. The person did not ask for depression and they may not yet know how to cope with it. Telling someone that it is their fault will only compound any sense guilt they may have over the way they feel. Instead offer to help your depressed friend or loved one find help in working through their illness.
If you’re looking for a resource to help a depressed or bipolar loved one, check out this highly rated book The Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness
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If your child is extremely moody, you may want to explore the possibility that he or she could have bipolar disorder. It is often difficult to diagnose bipolar children, as their behavior is often mistaken for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, but it is possible to get a proper diagnosis.
You will have to see a mental health professional for a correct bipolar disorder diagnosis. Before you do that, check out these symptoms to look for if you think your child has bipolar disorder:
Abrupt changes in mood. Observe if your child goes from being very excitable to bored in a short period of time. They could be easily aroused going from calm and relaxed to very excitable and back again.
Bipolar children have shifts in mood that can range from mania, hypomania, depression, anger and anxiety. Your child may also experience mixed moods, which are an overlapping of these moods. Observe if your child experiences these shifts in mood frequently over the course of a year.
Changes in drives. You may notice that your child is more aggressive, has an increased appetite or need and demand for things such as toys and other possessions. With bipolar children, a fluctuation in drives will be notifiable over a one-year period.
Changes in self esteem. Bipolar children may go from having very high self esteem to feeling very badly about themselves.
Changes in sleep patterns. Children with bipolar disorder often have trouble sticking with a sleep pattern. It may be difficult for them to arise in the morning and/or to fall asleep at night.
Child has anxiety. If you have a bipolar child, you may notice that he or she has anxiety. According to medical research 52 percent of children with anxiety also have bipolar disorder.
Other things to observe:
If your child has one of these disturbances over the course of a year: increased aggression and excessive anger, he or she may have bipolar disorder. Bipolar children may have trouble accepting the word “no”, sharing, being patient or adapting to change.
For more information on bipolar children, I recommend The Bipolar Child: The Definitive and Reassuring Guide to Childhood’s Most Misunderstood Disorder — Third Edition
Also check out:
Mommy I’m Still in Here: Raising Children with Bipolar Disorder
Continue reading about Bipolar Disorder in Children: Recognizing Symptoms
As with any romantic situation, dating someone will bipolar disorder won’t be easy. When you have two people are getting to know each other and forming a relationship, there will be ups and downs. With bipolar disorder added into the mix, the ups and downs of relationships will be higher and lower than the average couple.
If you’re considering dating someone with bipolar disorder, or you have it, be prepared for a challenge. Don’t be discouraged though because a loving relationship can be worth the effort, when it’s right.
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Because people with bipolar disorder have mood swings, dating someone with bipolar disorder can be a rollercoaster at times. Manic and depression episodes can cause stress and strain in a relationship when it ordinarily wouldn’t. You have to be mindful of a person’s mood swings and what triggers their episodes. Some things you’ll get to know as you observe more about them.
Having a close attachment to a person with manic depression can create emotional triggers and blow disagreements out of proportion. Some people with bipolar disorder can also become jealous when they are moody so also be aware of this. The up times are often a whirlwind of romance that often overshadows the down times. It takes a real commitment to stick with a person with bipolar disorder, but it can be done.
If you are bipolar and are considering dating someone, be upfront about your illness. Also take care of your mental health. You owe it to yourself. This will improve your life as well as your relationship, including your dating relationships. You’ll be more stable to pursue a stable loving relationship.
When you’re dating relationship becomes serious, consider couples counseling if troubles arise often. This will help you better understand each other as well as the illness. No matter what reassure each other that you have a strong commitment to each other.
Photo by Thom W.
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